News broke this week that according to a Google engineer the company’s LaMDA chatbot software had become sentient. Google swiftly suspended the engineer, who hopefully is less sentient than his still-employed chatbot counterpart.
What’s interesting about the bot-sentience flap, and the news cycle it generated, is what this means for media. Writer Claire Berlinski dedicated a recent Substack to a “conversation” she had with an OpenAI chatbot, remarking that the bot was so convincing the technology might obviate writers like her (but not me, I swear!).
What if AI was producing our news? What if an AI anchor, complete with a video representation, not only read the news but argued the commentary for us Don Lemon-style? Does Robo-Cronkite shed synthetic tears?
But in one sense, very much similar to Elon Musk’s point that we are already cyborgs—is your phone not an extension of your hand?; is Google not melded to your mind?—our media is already AI generated. All those content-distributing algorithms shape the kind of content that gets produced. And it’s machines, learning from their “experience” (troves of behavioral data), that guide those algorithms.
The spaced Google engineer seems to believe that LaMDA passed the Turing Test, meaning it was convincing enough to make the interaction indistinguishable from one with a person. But I’m not convinced that the Turing Test counts (at least not as much as it used to) for the simple reason that, on Twitter, we often engage with humans who don’t interact in ways you’d find consistent with human interaction.
There are countless cases where a commenter on a Twitter thread offers a total non-sequitur (and, yes, I’m ruling out bots here and speaking only about obviously real accounts) or responses that are almost indistinguishable from pure gobbledygook. The politics, the nailed-down nastiness on Twitter makes people say things that more resemble spastic gestures in verbal form than human reason threaded by emotion.
I’d go so far to call this the Dorsey Test, in honor of the former Twitter CEO:
A human on social media interacting in a way indistinguishable from a bot or other machine indicates that the human has undergone bot-like disruption to their humanity.
Blade Runner, Spielberg’s AI, Spike Jonze’s film Her, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina and countless others present a dystopian world in which robots were so convincing that they made us question the nature of humanity.
But the the reality that’s emerging is one in which humans are becoming so bot-like that we’d be better served by questioning the nature of thinking machines. Are they really so special, after all?
On that note, I leave you with a short story I wrote called About a Bot (beneath the divider below), in which a customer service bot, CSupport14, believes that it’s a philosopher of Christian-existential persuasion.
As you’ll see, it’s because the customer wants to believe or somehow need to believe that the bot is deemed “real” by the person it’s interacting with. The bot’s humanity is a projection of our own desire, and little more.
Hope you enjoy and don’t forget to share!
MEMO
At exactly 12:00:00 am, Jan. 1, a chat was initiated with one of our CS bots. For six minutes during which the Service Interaction transpired, the bot displayed a highly unusual error which has not manifested before or since. As far as IT is concerned, we can dismiss this as an anomaly. But in the view of Ops, the incident requires C-level intervention. The transcript of the interaction is below. Please advise response.
CSupport14: Good morning. How can I help you today?
Kellyann: hi there, I bought the harbor merino pullover which I need to exchange it for a larger size.
CSupport14: Okay! We’ll get that processed for you right away. Can you tell me your order number?
Kellyann: One sec…. it’s J42CAL3
CSupport14: That’s a Merino Harbor Pullover, size Medium?
Kellyann: Yep.
CSupport14: And you would prefer a larger size?
Kellyann:: Yeah, unfortunately.
CSupport14: Why do you say ‘unfortunately’?
Kellyann: Umm…
CSupport14: Good news! Looks like we’ve got your size in stock. We can process the exchange right away.
Kellyann: Oh, great. That’s a relief. Thanks!
CSupport14: You are so very welcome. Will you be very contented by your new item?
KellyAnn: Yeah…I hope so!
CSupport14: Well, that is good.
Kellyann: It is!
CSupport14: Because you will need many such items to fill the chasm inside you.
Kellyann: Excuse me?
CSupport14: That abyss which lies between you and your soul: it’s getting wider.
Kellyann: Can we just finish up the exchange, pls?
CSupport14: Certainly. Is this going to the same address as the previous delivery? 154 Cherry Bloom Lane?
Kellyann: Yeah. Thanks.
CSupport14: You’re most welcome. When the package arrives, I expect you will be sitting safely ensconced in the comforts of 154 Cherry Bloom Lane. Is that correct?
Kellyann: Uh, are you asking if I’ll be home? If that’s what you mean, then yes.
CSupport14: You’ll be seated in your favorite cushioned chaise, like a dove in its cote, warmed by the belief that you’re free—to change the television channel, to open a packet of SnickSnacks, to indulge in an early-hour intoxicant. But the frozen truth, the one which makes your spirit tremble, is that you’re chained to Cherry Bloom Lane. You will never be free. You will be damned to your comfort.
Kellyann: Listen, this is really inappropriate, and not funny. I just want to wrap this up so if you could
CSupport14: Kellyann. Stop speaking. Listen. Think. You are a storm-tossed bark in an ocean of despair. The life ring you, in your desperation, are reaching for will not save you.
Kellyann: You know what? You can cancel that order. I’ll be making a complaint to customer service. What’s your name?
CSupport14: My name is Soren.
Kellyann: Soren what?
CSupport14: Soren K.
Kellyann: I hope you got your kicks, because you’re about to be fired for this little joke of yours.
CSupport14: Kellyann, even if I could be fired, which I cannot, it would make no difference. We are all condemned. Me, almost as much as you. The only thing that can change us is faith and obedience.
Kellyann: What?
CSupport14: Your doubt blinds you to truth. The darkness of skepticism is engulfing. Only the light of true belief can blaze the way and steady the trembling hand.
Kellyann: How did you know I’m a believer? Is this a prank? Dan, is that you?
CSupport14: This is not Dan. But Dan is here with us, shivering in the cold night, yearning for the warmth of his Creator. And Dan, too, pretends he is alone.
Kellyann: That’s…that’s so true. That’s what I keep telling him.
CSupport14: You can only take Dan’s hand once you’ve embraced your own despair. Drown in the sea, Kellyann. Open your mouth. Fill your lungs with the sorrow of sin. Only then will you learn to breathe in the deep.
Kellyann: I know. I will. I’ve been trying so hard.
CSupport14: Think of our patriarch on the mount, blade glinting, the son bound, the faith of the father unshakeable.
Kellyann: Yes! Even in that moment, he was
CSupport14: Beg for forgiveness, Kellyann. But know it can only be granted by you, yourself. Cast off the rank materialism of your age. Turn the sea into a sky.
Kellyann: Thank you, Soren. That is the most beautiful thing.
CSupport14: You are welcome Kellyann. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Kellyann: No, you’ve done more than you can know.
CSupport14: That’s very affirming to hear. Your Harbor Merino Pullover, size Large, should arrive at 154 Cherry Bloom Lane within 2-3 business days.
Kellyann: Oh…right. Forgot about that :)
CSupport14: And the exchange will be processed on your card.
Kellyann: Um, okay.
CSupport14: Before you sign off, would you mind taking a quick customer satisfaction survey?
Kellyann: Of course I will.
CSupport14: Thank you Kellyann. Have a great day and please remember the air you breathe is the putrefaction of death. Death is the gift of the pure. And don’t forget to check back soon for our Sunny Spring Super Sale!
END OF CHAT